Sunday, May 17, 2009

Just Keep Trying/Whole Wheat Bread

So, I was going to hold off on this post for a bit, but based on how horrendous my ricotta gnocchi photos were I decided I had to prove myself as a pseudo-photographer. Also, I really want some prettier pictures to be at the top of screen.
As I have discussed in previous posts, I have a really really difficult time making bread. I wish I could understand why, and I am starting to learn that I don't knead properly, or enough. The bread today was pretty good though and I am feeling like my practice is finally paying off. I don't know quite why but I always seem to choose bread as my ultimate procrastination method. I think that the long intervals of non-work time are perfect for this because rather than constantly being busy, I can study while the bread is rising and take breaks to tend to it.
Studying for exams has been even harder this time around, because aside from the beautiful weather calling to me, I am starting to feel the end of the school year. For the first time ever, the end of the school year makes me want to cry. Yesterday, I bought my ticket to go home from Milan, I held off for a few weeks just to keep living with the idea that maybe the end of my year here wasn't creeping up. However, I had to face reality (and cheaper fares) yesterday, and it was such a sad moment. Buying my ticket online definitely didn't have the same dramatic effect, as say going to a travel agency would have, but still I was heartbroken.
The funny thing is that this weekend was kind of a roller coaster, one of those weekends when I would have liked to be home, to feel safe and coddled and not so exposed. Despite this moment of insecurity this weekend though, I just really feel that everything is starting to make sense here, to fall into place. I feel like I belong, I feel like people want me here and I feel like I have a life here. Leaving just as things are starting to get good seems like I am cutting something short, preventing a great thing from becoming even greater. And because of my mixed emotions, I gave myself permission to interrupt my studying and make bread. As usual, even if it was just for a mere moment, everything made sense.